I'm so stressed right now. I have half of my semester long project due for my studio class on Monday. Which I've been slacking off on the past few weeks because I've had so much other stuff to do. On next Wednesday I have the draft of my portfolio due, which I haven't even started and won't be able to start it until after I turn in my other project on Monday.
In less than 2 months I have to do the following: finish the first half of my project, rough draft of my portfolio, find somewhere for Grant and I to live in college station, attend two wedding showers for Grant and I, finish wedding planning(which is a huge list in itself), final draft of portfolio, the second half of my project, two pre-marital counseling sessions and the massive amounts of homework that comes with it, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, set everything up, and not faint walking down the aisle. If I can do all that in less than 5 months, I can do anything.
2 months till the honeymoon :D
stresssssssss
Blessed
I am so blessed with amazing family and friends.
My mom is willing to do anything I need her to do. She's so eager to help, its so sweet.
Grant's mom also is eager to help and has been helping me think of things I never would have before.
A long time friend of the family is a caterer and she has offered to help with the catering and the cakes.
One of my bridesmaids', Meagan, mom has offered to do my bridal portraits and wedding photography for just the price of the prints.
Grant's aunt and uncle have agreed to allow us to use their beautiful yard for our ceremony and reception.
This all has taken a huge load off my shoulders. Those three things were the things I was most worried about being able to afford. I thank God for the wonderful people in my life.
ENGAGED
Grant finally proposed!!!! I'm so excited about marrying him. I love him sooooooo much and could not be happier. The ring he gave me is so beautiful. I'm already starting to plan our wedding seeing that we will be getting married at the beginning of summer and that's only six months away.
ahh
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to do something drastic here soon.
Scream
I try to draw in breath but my lungs are not that deep,
Deep enough to fill the hole of you,
You are the biggest part of me,
I fear my heart may die waiting for you,
Can you hear me?
Would you hear me if I screamed?
I want to wake up with you next to me,
I just can't fall asleep with you a thousand miles away,
You have my heart,
I want to scream,
You're the only one so please
Just ask me.
Again my fingers turn out empty,
Scratching for a happy feeling,
Knowing you are there but barely believing,
Believing you won't leave,
I want to scream.
Would you hear me if I screamed?
I want to wake up with you next to me,
I just can't fall asleep with you a thousand miles away,
You have my heart,
I want to scream,
You're the only one so please
Just ask me.
When I find myself in doubt
Your face, it just screams out,
And then my fears relieved,
When I think of you.
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
ughhhhhhhhhhh
I have done nothing the days that I'm off of work which is a lot unfortunately. I have all my scrap booking stuff sitting on the dining table but I am totally unmotivated to do any of it. All I have been doing all day today and most of yesterday is sitting on the couch with Elvis watching tv. I am about to go crazy with all this extra time on my hands. I need more hours at work but they hired way too many new people so I never have enough hours. I thought I would be working 30 hours a week and this week I barely have 5 hours. That is ridiculous. If my schedule for next week is like this I am going to have to find a second job. I need the money so badly.
Hate
I hate waiting. I hate trying to be patient when I feel like I may explode on him. I hate that I feel like a crazy person any time I talk about it. I hate that some people look at me like I am a crazy person whenever I talk about it. I hate that I can't make firm plans. I hate crying because I've been waiting for 2 years. I hate crying. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I hate that he has taken this long. I hate that I hate that. I hate when he buys anything. I hate seeing my friends have what I want. I hate that they got it faster. I hate going. I hate that I feel so jealous. I hate myself right now.
I hate when Elvis looks at me with those huge puppy dog eyes and cocks his head to the side whenever I am trying to be mad at him because he chewed up something. I can't resist them. I just want to cuddle with him.