Grant finally proposed!!!! I'm so excited about marrying him. I love him sooooooo much and could not be happier. The ring he gave me is so beautiful. I'm already starting to plan our wedding seeing that we will be getting married at the beginning of summer and that's only six months away.
ahh
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to do something drastic here soon.
Scream
I try to draw in breath but my lungs are not that deep,
Deep enough to fill the hole of you,
You are the biggest part of me,
I fear my heart may die waiting for you,
Can you hear me?
Would you hear me if I screamed?
I want to wake up with you next to me,
I just can't fall asleep with you a thousand miles away,
You have my heart,
I want to scream,
You're the only one so please
Just ask me.
Again my fingers turn out empty,
Scratching for a happy feeling,
Knowing you are there but barely believing,
Believing you won't leave,
I want to scream.
Would you hear me if I screamed?
I want to wake up with you next to me,
I just can't fall asleep with you a thousand miles away,
You have my heart,
I want to scream,
You're the only one so please
Just ask me.
When I find myself in doubt
Your face, it just screams out,
And then my fears relieved,
When I think of you.
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
ughhhhhhhhhhh
I have done nothing the days that I'm off of work which is a lot unfortunately. I have all my scrap booking stuff sitting on the dining table but I am totally unmotivated to do any of it. All I have been doing all day today and most of yesterday is sitting on the couch with Elvis watching tv. I am about to go crazy with all this extra time on my hands. I need more hours at work but they hired way too many new people so I never have enough hours. I thought I would be working 30 hours a week and this week I barely have 5 hours. That is ridiculous. If my schedule for next week is like this I am going to have to find a second job. I need the money so badly.
Hate
I hate waiting. I hate trying to be patient when I feel like I may explode on him. I hate that I feel like a crazy person any time I talk about it. I hate that some people look at me like I am a crazy person whenever I talk about it. I hate that I can't make firm plans. I hate crying because I've been waiting for 2 years. I hate crying. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I hate that he has taken this long. I hate that I hate that. I hate when he buys anything. I hate seeing my friends have what I want. I hate that they got it faster. I hate going. I hate that I feel so jealous. I hate myself right now.
I hate when Elvis looks at me with those huge puppy dog eyes and cocks his head to the side whenever I am trying to be mad at him because he chewed up something. I can't resist them. I just want to cuddle with him.
click-click
Confession: I love wearing heels. I don't wear them that often because I don't have much reason to. But whenever I wear them I feel as if I could conquer the world. They make me feel powerful, beautiful, and sexy. I wish I could afford to buy a hundred pairs of them. I only have like three which is not that many at all for girls. I had another pair that I loved because they made me super super tall but Elvis chewed them up. Sad day. I'm kind of excited about starting a career next year because that means I get to buy nice heels and actually have a reason to buy them. I just got a new pair and I've been wearing them around my apartment for the past 15 or so minutes. I feel like a model walking up and down the hall way. I know that is completely dorky. I'm becoming such a girly girl more every day. I think Grant likes it. :D
summertime, summertime, going back to thinking you were mine.
Anytime I listen to the song Summertime by Mae while I'm driving it makes me want to roll down my windows. I love the summer. I guess it makes me feel like a little kid again. The warm air, ice cream, going to the pool and beach. My hair gets really really blonde because of the sun. I am looking forward to taking Elvis to the park and the river. He's going to love it. I leave to go to Seattle with my cousin to visit my brother on Tuesday! I am beyond excited.
What I'm looking forward to the most is the end of the summer. But you can figure that out on your own.
spin 'round
I wish I was graduating now like I was supposed to. I regret goofing off my sophomore year thus making me stay an extra year in this hell hole.
Happy Birthday Mom!
Today is my mom's 52nd birthday. My mom is amazing. Whenever you're a teenager and people say you will grow up to be like your parents everyone cringes, I know I did. But now that I'm pretty much an adult, even though I don't feel like I am, if anyone says that to me I say thank you. My mom is pretty much my best friend. I talk to her almost everyday, if I don't it feels weird. I tell her almost everything, and she always knows how to cheer me up. She likes my boyfriend which I know is hard to do ;) . She loooooooooves my dad. They've been married for like 31 years. They are a great couple. I love that I can call my mom a whore and she calls me one right back. Hah. My mom is honest and true and tells me how it is even when I don't want to hear it, especially when I don't want to hear it. I hope to one day be half as good as a mom as she has been to me all these years. I love you mom!
my stomach is growling
My computer is burning my legs and its battery is about to die so I will have to make this short. Today my friend, Meagan, and I drove around Austin trying to find buildings to take pictures of for a class paper. She really cracks me up. The highlight of the day in Austin was going to this little streamline rv that has been turned into a cupcake store. Called Hello Cupcake! I got a vanilla cupcake with chocolate icing and it warmed my heart. Then I came home to my baby boy, Elvis, who always greets me with a lick and a tail wag. Which also warms my heart.
one week of class left.
I have 5 days of class left. Starting Monday, and ending on the next Monday. Which consequentially means that I am extremely busy and stressed out. I worked on my final project for my commercial studio for 12 hours straight today. And I still feel like I'm sinking in it. My dog is being annoying because I haven't been able to give him enough attention. I'm worried that I'm not going to get at least a C in my construction class and that would screw up next semester because it is a prerequisite for a class I'm taking in the fall. I feel like I'm never going to save enough money to pay for the wedding I want. I feel like I'm never going to get to my wedding. There are so many things I want to do and I guess I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel called "college" and the beginning of life with Grant. I hate that I feel like I'm always pressuring him about marriage. Elvis is telling me its time for bed so I will try to go get some sleep.
Beginning
I have so many thoughts floating inside my head at any second during the day that any moment I may explode. Today I decided to help relieve stress, to help me think things out, and to express myself more thoroughly I would start a blog. It doesn't really matter to me if anyone reads it, I just need a way to make some space in my head so I don't completely lose it, well at least as often.
You make me smile.